So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
