I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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