Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Your penis caused this!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
