I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
