I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
