So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
