if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize