I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
