I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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