Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
