id be glad to
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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