just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
