I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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