i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
