dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
