I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
