I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
