I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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