I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
