We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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