I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
