Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Alive.
So much puke
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
