I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
