he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
