oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
