dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
