I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
