She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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