everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
