he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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