This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ok first of all what the fuck
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
