He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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