I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
