hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize