she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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