summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
