Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
