dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
