I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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