Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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