There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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