i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
