im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
