Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
