I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
