he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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