soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
