FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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