her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
