Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
