Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
