it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
