I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
