apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
