He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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