she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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