did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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