I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
