she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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