i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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