So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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