we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
