just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
