well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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