Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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