is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
