so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
